


in the end, i wake up again

by ellievolia



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Insomnia, Interrupted Sex, M/M, Not So Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17696873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellievolia/pseuds/ellievolia
Summary: When stress is high, and adrenaline is fueling them just as much as caffeine and pure will, and they only get a few hours at night to crash. When they rehearse so much they don’t see the sun set, but they see the sun rise every day. When every hour crashes into the next, and everything takes on this fever dream quality, meeting after interview after rehearsal after taping after hours and hours in cars.When it starts not making sense anymore, that’s usually when it happens: Jooheon stops sleeping.- Jooheon suffers from insomnia, and Minhyuk is the one that can help him to sleep.





	in the end, i wake up again

**Author's Note:**

> This fic would not exist without Ellen, which held my hand, motivated, and looked through this fic for me after inspiring me with her own amazing MX fic! So my hugest thanks to her, and also to Clara for also looking over this story and making sure it's fit to be posted, with her usual care. 
> 
> It's my first MX fic but I love these boys dearly and hopefully, that shows through the story! I like to say - I don't take things extremely seriously, but I hope you all enjoy! Find me on twitter [here](http://twitter.com/ellievolia)!

Often, it happens around comebacks. At the beginning and end of tours. When stress is high, and adrenaline is fueling them just as much as caffeine and pure will, and they only get a few hours at night to crash. When they rehearse so much they don’t see the sun set, but they see the sun rise every day. When every hour crashes into the next, and everything takes on this fever dream quality, meeting after interview after rehearsal after taping after hours and hours in cars. 

When it starts not making sense anymore, that’s usually when it happens: Jooheon stops sleeping. 

Which is pretty terrible timing, all things considered. They need their rest, as much as they can; they need to sleep in cars and during breaks, folded into armchairs with their hands between their legs if you’re Kihyun, or lying on the floor if you’re Hyunwoo. Three hours, four hours, even less than that, it doesn’t matter, they need it. But Jooheon’s lucky if he gets one, the rest of the time staring at the ceiling, thoughts running through lyrics and schedules and ideas and things he wants to say, things he doesn’t want to say.

It didn’t used to be that way. Back at the beginning, he had no problems sleeping. Maybe it was the dorm, cramped and busy at all times, maybe it was his self-confidence keeping his doubts at bay, maybe it was the constant rush of the hope to debut. He couldn’t say, and he couldn’t remember when the sleeplessness started, only that it’s here now, steeping deep in his bones, in his head. It’s not that he’s lost his confidence, either, he knows his worth, he knows how important he is to the group, to his members, to the stage. He knows. He _knows_. 

And yet he thinks about it, in these sleepless nights. Which is why he often prefers slinking off to his studio, careful and quiet as he can be, settling sleepy Gucci and Yoshi on his thighs as he runs through raps and songs and beats, as he squeezes his insomnia into lyrics and music. Kihyun likes to say it’s because Jooheon is constantly being chased by things, and it might be true. He can’t stop, because he’s following the thrum thrum _thrum_ of his own heartbeat, until his eyes hurt, until the sun is out, turning the Seoul sky from inky black to watery grey, until he has song upon song upon song, only a third of them any good. 

;;

And then, there’s Minhyuk. To the world at large, to the ever-growing number of Monbebes, Minhyuk is loud, boisterous, playful, and a little mean at times, most definitely devious. He is, truly, the quintessential Rooster. He’s not the mom of the group, nor the dad. He’s the crazy uncle, the mood maker; when he smiles, they smile, and when he cries, they cry. 

But there’s another side to Minhyuk, one the world sees glimpses of, but not as often as the band does in private. It’s the caring, gentler side of Minhyuk, the one that has him reaching out to massage their shoulders, or carding his fingers through their hair, feeding them a bite of food, at the exact moment they need. He always seems to know, like a sixth sense, which one of them to reach for, and for what. It’s a gift he has, and it rarely comes out when they’re on camera, like Minhyuk enjoys keeping this a secret, like he prefers being the clown rather than try and usurp Hyunwoo’s place. 

Not that Hyunwoo doesn’t do his part. He’s here to reassure, console, lead and give them advice, every step of the way. Hyunwoo is one of Jooheon’s very, very favorite persons, easily, and he has been for a very long time. They just all have their places. And Minhyuk’s the one that knows when Jooheon pushes too hard. 

;; 

“No, come on,” Minhyuk says, and his voice brokers no argument. It’s unusual, that he would speak like this, that he uses his seniority to try and force Jooheon to do something. But here he is, now, putting his foot down in the corridor of their hotel, looking at Jooheon dead in the eye. “You haven’t slept in two days. Take a nap, food will be there when you’re up again.”

Hyunwoo puts a hand on Jooheon’s shoulder, and nods when their eyes meet. “You look exhausted, Jooheonie.”

“Hyung -”

But Hyunwoo just gives him a slight push, and Jooheon finds himself bundled in Minhyuk’s arms, which is a more comfortable place than he’d like to admit, and then he’s being herded to the room Minhyuk and Kihyun share. Minhyuk leads him with gentle hands and few words, until they’re both lying down on one of the bed, pressed together, Jooheon’s knee in between Minhyuk’s, hair haphazard on the pillows. 

Jooheon falls asleep in minutes. 

;; 

Months later, Kihyun shows him a picture, that he’s taken from that day, while Jooheon was sleeping. Jooheon barely remembers, because moments like this exact one have started bleeding into each other, and he can only tell what time of the year it was because of the hair color he’s sporting. 

There’s something in Kihyun’s smile, as he shows him the picture, but he doesn’t elaborate on it. He just says, “I’ll send it to you,” and then walks away, enigmatic as he can be sometimes, making Jooheon wonder what all that was about.

;;

“I’m almost done,” Jooheon says, and it sounds like a promise. But it’s not enough of a promise to Minhyuk, apparently, because one second, he’s at the door of the studio in their dorm, and the next, he’s hovering above Jooheon, and his hands are tickling the younger’s sides, mercilessly. 

Jooheon resists for all of three seconds before he yelps, laughing, and his legs kick out from under the desk, throwing his chair back. Next thing he knows, he’s on the floor of the studio and Minhyuk is right there with him, his longer legs trapping Jooheon’s as he keeps his tickling torture. 

Finally, Jooheon slaps at Minhyuk’s arms, breathless and giggly and red in the face. 

“Fine, f-fine, I give up!”

He’s not giving up. He’s just postponing his revenge. It works because Minhyuk relents, though his hands stay on Jooheon, fingers splayed low on his waist. They’re both breathing hard, and Jooheon doesn’t think when he slides a hand over Minhyuk’s, slotting their fingers together as they lie there on the floor that Kihyun swept two hours ago.

“Come eat, Jooheonie. Ramen. Hoseok-hyung will cry if you skip another meal, you know how he is.”

“Yeah, yeah.” And Jooheon gets up, because he does know, and there’s nothing worse in his world than making Hoseok sad. He does know.

;; 

Minhyuk groans when Jooheon climbs into bed with him, making it creak and dip. He slips under the covers, careful, but he can imagine that the noise that leaves Minhyuk’s throat then is because of the blast of cold air. 

Minhyuk frowns, patting at Jooheon, hand hitting his hip, his side, and that’s when he opens his eyes. “Bzuh?” 

“Sorry, hyung. S’just me.” 

Jooheon’s voice cracks on a word, and he knows he sounds tired, he sounds _exhausted_ , he sounds like everything is too much, because he feels like it is. Minhyuk closes his eyes again, hums, and drapes an arm over Jooheon’s shoulders, pulling him imperceptibly closer, his lips brushing Jooheon’s forehead, his breath warm and reassuring. 

Jooheon sleeps with a smile.

;;

Jooheon snores. It’s a thing, it’s well known, Hyungwon is used to it, Minhyuk is used to it, Hyunwoo is used to it, Changkyun is used to it - they’re all used to it, really. But there are times where Jooheon will wake himself up with a little snore, and that? That he hates most of all. Because it only takes that, a flash of wakefulness, and he’s doomed again. It’s 3 am, 4am, and he’s been tossing and turning, and he feels like crying because he’s tired and he can’t turn the light on to do some work, it would wake Hyunwoo. 

When they’re being roused at 6, Jooheon feels… quiet. He’s so tired he can’t even bring himself to be grumbly, just goes through the motions. Hyunwoo notices, because it’s impossible not to, but he doesn’t say anything. He just helps Jooheon along, with reassuring touches and making coffee in their hotel room while Jooheon’s in the shower. 

It’s only when they get into the car that things get any better. Jooheon’s bundled in the very back, his head against a window, hood pulled up over his head. It’s unusual, he’s usually closer to the front, bickering with Kihyun over what to get for breakfast. The back is for the sleepy heads, Hyungwon and Hoseok, who will often curl up around each other while they drive to their next destination.

But today, Jooheon’s there, and the person who sits next to him isn’t Hyungwon - whom he expected - but Minhyuk. Minhyuk’s got that look on his face that says he’s not here to hear a word from Jooheon, that he’ll pull his seniority on him if necessary, and Jooheon just looks at him, doesn’t say anything. 

Minhyuk’s jaw ticks, and then he’s wrapping an arm around Jooheon’s shoulder, pulling him away from the cold window and towards the heat of his own body. Jooheon just falls into it, burrows into it, sighs loudly. 

“Hyunwoo-hyung said you haven’t slept.”

“I have,” Jooheon replies after a moment, the words feeling heavy on his tongue. “Just not as much as I could have. Sorry.”

Minhyuk’s free hand reaches inside Jooheon’s hood, curling around his neck, warm, fingers pressing in a tiny bit, a ghost of a massage, and Jooheon swallows thickly, feels his eyes close.

“We have an hour. Sleep.”

Jooheon still feels like crying a little. But mostly, he feels like resting his eyes a little. Minhyuk doesn’t move his hand. 

“Okay.”

;;

There are times where Jooheon is just so tired that he falls asleep practically standing up. Because he gets less sleep than he should, sometimes his body just… gives up, it feels like. It never happens while they’re rehearsing or filming or anything like that, and generally, it’s _okay_. It’s fine. It’s allowed. It’s even recommended. 

Jooheon falls asleep with his head on a table in the Inkigayo dressing room, and wakes up half an hour later with a hoodie under his head and sleep creases on his face that the stylist noonas tut at him about. Jooheon falls asleep sitting up in a chair while they wait for a rehearsal and wakes up with his head tucked over Kihyun’s bony shoulder. Jooheon falls asleep in the waiting lounge at the airport and wakes up to Hoseok’s hand in his hair, petting softly. 

He falls asleep and he wakes up surrounded by his members. And, he gets it. Maybe that’s why he falls asleep easily, sometimes - it’s the fact that they’re there. When they’re not, he tosses and turns and really, gets no rest at all. It’s better to stop trying too hard and just allow himself to sleep when they’re around him. They are safe, they make him feel safe, and that is what he needs the most. They make him feel safe, and loved, and cared for, which is something that Jooheon craves, at every moment of the day. It’s not just validation, it’s pure love, and he knows how it comes and what it looks like - Kihyun feeding him without a word, Hoseok asking for his opinion on a song, Changkyun slipping into his room in the middle of the night to talk about lyrics and manga and their families and nothing and everything all at once, Hyunwoo slipping an arm over his shoulders and guiding him wherever he needs to go, Hyungwon sleepily smiling as he steps into the studio to play and absorb music while Jooheon works. 

And Minhyuk. Minhyuk, that’s always here to fuck around and drive their hyungs crazy with. Minhyuk, who’s always invading his space, who’s bringing him drinks and tteokbokki when he’s skipped dinner working on a song. Minhyuk who forgot about his birthday once but made up for it so much. Minhyuk, who makes Jooheon feel like he’s home whenever he’s trapped in a backhug, who makes his heart flip funny, who makes him want to write nice love songs that Minhyuk can sing perfectly to, crafted to fit his voice the best. 

Minhyuk, who helps him sleep. Minhyuk. 

Oh. 

;;

Suddenly, it becomes impossible again. Sleep is this elusive, vague thing that Jooheon seems to have known, in the past. Because, here’s the thing: Jooheon has feelings for Minhyuk. And not in the way he’s had feelings for all of his members, in some way, no, this is a lot more concrete, settled at the base of his heart and giving him so many song ideas. And Jooheon - he’s not afraid of his feelings. He’s not scared of admitting them to himself, okay, that’s not it. What’s it is that he doesn’t how to navigate having feelings for Minhyuk when they work together. And it keeps him awake at night, even more than everything else.

So he doesn’t exactly avoid Minhyuk, because it’s practically impossible and he doesn’t want to hurt him if he can help it, that’s not the goal, but he tries to… process. Which is difficult when they’re at a fansign and he’s sitting on the floor listening to Hyunwoo answer a question about choreography when Minhyuk sits behind him, long legs bracketing Jooheon’s, and pulls him in. Jooheon, well. He resists a little, just to play it up, but then melts back against Minhyuk’s chest and looks up at him through his bangs, seeing the little twist of Minhyuk’s mouth. It’s a good thing that they don’t have mics, it makes it easier to talk, even if Jooheon knows fans must be taking a million pictures of them right now. 

“Are you okay, Jooheon-ah?” Minhyuk asks, quiet, and Jooheon nods, eyes tracking Minhyuk’s uneven blink. There’s a trace of hurt in his tone, and Jooheon lets his features fall into a pout, wishing he could properly reach out, smooth his thumb over Minhyuk’s cheek. 

“I’m okay,” he replies, and his hands come to rest on top of Minhyuk’s. 

“Been sleeping?” 

“Ah, don’t call me out on this now, hyung, it’s not like I can curl up for a nap during a fansign,” Jooheon replies, without heat. Minhyuk snorts, fingers closing around a fistful of Jooheon’s hoodie. 

“We just - worry. We - know how you get.” 

_We_. Jooheon’s lips twist, too, move into an unhappy curve. He knows what Minhyuk is not saying, that he could burn out and be unfit for promotions, or worse, get injured. That he could let this stress become all-encompassing and hurt him. But that’s not him; for once, Jooheon isn’t actually all that stressed. They’re approaching the end of this comeback promotions, he knows the song and the choreography so well it’s muscle memory by now, and this is the best part of it all, getting to hang out with fans. 

Still, Jooheon is sort of stuck on the _we_ part, wishing it wasn’t what Minhyuk said. Because he’s a little selfish and he’s definitely needy, and any hint of his feelings being returned might help him sleep at night. 

But he turns his frown into a smile, because this is not just about him, and he’s not that selfish. 

“I’m okay, hyung. I promise you. And I promise that if I start feeling like I’m going to burn out, I’ll tell you.”

And with that, he moves a hand, lifting his pinkie in the air and looking at Minhyuk pointedly. Minhyuk chuckles, looking up at their fans and gesturing at them in a _can you believe this guy?_ way, which earns him a few giggles and shouts, but then, he curls his own pinkie finger around Jooheon’s, and nods. 

“You’re on, Jooheonie.”

;; 

Jooheon’s working on a routine. After a shower, he stretches, then forces himself to get into bed with a book - not on his phone or anything like that, it’s too stimulating. A book, to get him to sleep. Because he needs to stop relying on Minhyuk to sleep, otherwise things will get awkward. Probably. At least while he gets his feelings in check, maybe pour them out in a few songs, get himself back on track so that nothing is lost in the long-term. It’s not that he wants to stop feeling these feelings, no - they’re fuel. But he wants to be able to not put it on Minhyuk, to not need him so badly all the time for something so base as sleeping. 

There are some things he has to do by himself. Which doesn’t mean it’s easy, because he’s really trying with this new routine of his, and it even worked a few times, where he fell asleep with his cheek pressed against his book, only to wake up with paper stuck to his face and faint ink stains on his skin. But it doesn’t always work. 

He tries, though, because he has to. He doesn’t want to - nor is he going to - cutting himself off entirely from letting Minhyuk help him. But he’s worried that it’ll get to be too much, at some point, and then he’d end up in a worse situation than he’s ever been, with too many lyrics and too much stress and not enough sleep pulling him in all directions. He doesn’t think Minhyuk would abandon him, but he also doesn’t think Minhyuk should have to consider it. 

Jooheon loves being babied. He loves the attention, and he loves when his members praise him, and he feeds off the validation they give him. He likes it best when Minhyuk tells him he’s pretty, when he’s being taken care of so thoroughly it feels like he should, truly, be the maknae, not Changkyun, who is a lot less needy than Jooheon can be. He loves it. He loves it all, but he knows he can’t - _demand_ it any more than he already is. There are times and days where the others, and Minhyuk especially, are not in the mood, or they might not have the strength to prop up two people, not just themselves. 

It’s not fair, that Jooheon would use Minhyuk’s attention like this. It feels a little wrong, because he’s got this secret, and he’s letting Minhyuk feed it when he might want none of it. It’s just - not fair.

;;

Tonight, his routine is not really getting him anywhere. The words swim in front of his eyes, but every time he closes them, too many thoughts start running through his brain. Why don’t snakes have legs? Why are blueberries blue, but when you smash them, they’re purple? Why is he constantly losing socks? Does Hoseok ever skip leg day? Who would win in a fight, Wolverine or Batman?

That kind of thing. Very, very important stuff, that is obviously keeping him from sleeping. It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s alone and he’s actually a little cold, and he misses his cats, and he misses Minhyuk, even if he’s seen him two hours ago. 

Hm. Make that four hours; he really lost track of time, here. Jooheon guesses that most of the others are asleep now, since they have an evening off for once, midnight having come and gone a while ago already. Soon enough he’ll begin to see the night sky slowly brightening up, and the thought makes him start putting together lyrics in his head, a little hum of a potential melody escaping him. 

He’ll get there. He’ll get to sleep.

Or, well, he might have if the door of his bedroom didn’t open then. Jooheon sits up to see Minhyuk walk in, fidgeting a little, looking - nervous. 

“Minhyuk-hyung?”

Minhyuk takes a deep breath, purses his lips, and then tugs his sweatshirt over his hands, curling his fingers into it. “I can’t sleep,” he finally says, which takes Jooheon by surprise, even if he recovers quickly. 

“That’s my line,” he replies with a half smile, to which Minhyuk raises an eyebrow.

“No, it’s not. You never admit it when you’re not sleeping, I have to force it out of you.”

Jooheon chuckles, running a hand over his face. “Fair. Do you -” he pauses, before shuffling a little to the side in his bed. “C’mere, then.”

Because this is why Minhyuk is here, right? It has to be. And it makes Jooheon’s heart go a little funny and feel a little tight in his chest, and then it expands when Minhyuk shuffles closer, limbs everywhere when he climbs into Jooheon’s bed, pressing his bare feet to Jooheon’s bare calves, making him yelp. 

“Cold!” 

Minhyuk just hums with one of his devious grins, burrowing into the covers. He grabs Jooheon’s book, reading the cover, before putting it down on the nightstand. “Any good?”

Settled next to Minhyuk, Jooheon nods. “Yes. No. Well - it puts me to sleep, so it does the job.”

The sound Minhyuk lets out then startles Jooheon into looking up. It’s almost a growl, and it seems… very displeased, like he’s offended, and Jooheon looks at Minhyuk with surprise on his features. Minhyuk is a lot of things - funny, a little petty, sometimes manipulative, a sore loser, a caretaker. He does have a temper, too, but Jooheon doesn’t often get to see it aimed in his direction, and it’s… unexpected.

“I don’t like it,” he finally says, voice dark. Jooheon’s about to ask, you don’t like what, what is it, when Minhyuk barrels on. “It’s not the same now. I don’t know what changed, but you used to be comfortable enough to come to me when you couldn’t sleep, and now you’re using books? And I don’t like it.”

He’s sulking, now, and Jooheon can’t help the way he grins, dimples popping, as he looks at Minhyuk, reaches out to thumb at his jutted out lower lip. 

“Minhyuk. Hyung,” Jooheon’s voice has taken on this low, slow cadence he puts on when he’s rapping on sad ballads. “Do you think I’m replacing you with books?”

“Well, aren’t you?” 

Jooheon tilts his head on his pillow, so fond and pleased and warm inside he can barely stand it.

“No, hyung, I’m not. I’m not trying to.”

“Then what are you doing? I didn’t do anything wrong, so, what gives?”

Minhyuk looks huffy, while Jooheon? Jooheon feels sick and elated at the same time. 

“I’m sorry. I realized I was relying on you to sleep, maybe too much, and I realized why, so I thought it best to sort that out before anyone had regrets. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“You said you realized why. So, why?”

This is it. This is it, and Jooheon doesn’t have a song to sing right now, he doesn’t have a lot of words, just the sincere ones. And there’s no reason to try and lie - he’s never been a good one anyway.

“Because I love you. Not like I love the others, either. You - you are my closest friend, and you make me feel safe, and you make me feel home. And I’m okay with it not being reciprocated, either, I just needed to process it, which is why I stopped coming to you.” 

For a moment, Minhyuk doesn’t reply. He just looks at Jooheon with his lips parted and his eyes incredulous. And then he inhales sharply, and punches Jooheon in the shoulder.

“Hyung!” 

“You’re so dumb, I can’t believe it.”

Jooheon blinks, surprised, but, again, Minhyuk barrels on. Talking _is_ his specialty, after all. 

“Do you really believe it’s not reciprocated? You can’t be that oblivious. Why do you think I care so much about you? I could let Shownu-hyung take care of you, or Kihyun. But no, no, you’re _mine_. You really didn’t get it? I’ve loved you for years, you idiot.”

They’re so close, right now, lying face to face on Jooheon’s bed, sharing a pillow, that it’s impossible for him to miss the sincerity in his eyes, the fondness, the incredulity, too. Finally, Minhyuk lets out a little noise, that sounds like a whine.

“Don’t replace me with books. I don’t like it.”

Jooheon’s smile is back in full force now, and he reaches out, curling his fingers in the collar of Minhyuk’s shirt.

“Is it keeping you up at night?” 

“Yes.”

There’s something to be said about this sensation, the one that makes you feel like your heart is about to burst right out of your chest, the one that makes your stomach swoop low with anticipation and nerves and excitement. Jooheon’s well accustomed to the first one, feels it whenever they’re about to go on stage, but adding the second one to it makes it even more powerful, and for a second, he feels like he could cry. 

But Minhyuk’s smiling too, hand sliding up to grab Jooheon’s, slotting their fingers together.

“I guess things are going to have to change, though,” he says, and Jooheon’s smile falters.

“But -” 

“I mean, now that we’ve made things clear, you’re going to have to start kissing me goodnight, to start with. Kiss me to sleep, maybe.”

Oh. Jooheon flushes, eyes drifting down to Minhyuk’s lips. But because he is him, and they are them, he can’t help teasing a little more.

“I thought I was the one who had trouble sleeping.”

“You don’t when you’re with me. Meanwhile, I lie awake listening to you snore, so you’ve got a lot to make up for, Joohoney.”

“What if I start now, then?”

A little singsong hum escapes Minhyuk, his smile belying the disinterest. And now Jooheon’s heart is beating in his throat, but he still leans in, invading Minhyuk’s space like he’s done countless times before, only this time he doesn’t stop, he doesn’t stop until they’re kissing. 

;;

Soon enough Minhyuk and Jooheon are rooming together more often than not. And Minhyuk still helps Jooheon to sleep, is still just as attentive as he’s always been when the cameras are off, still as devious as he’s always been when they’re on. On the surface, things are the same and that’s exactly what Jooheon wants. Underneath, they’re trying to find every spare moment they can have to explore this new side of their relationship and give it the time it needs. 

Which often means stumbling on Minhyuk’s bed as they kiss frantically, Jooheon unable to keep noises in, tiny, breathless whimpers, his hands fighting with the buttons on Minhyuk’s jeans while Minhyuk tries to push a leg between Jooheon’s thighs.

It’s all overwhelming and it’s not like they have much chance to do this at all, but now that they started it’s hard to stop, even though they know everyone else is around and probably still awake. Hoseok’s probably working out, and there’s a distinct smell of garlic and cheese wafting through the dorm that’s a telltale sign that Kihyun is working on something in the kitchen. 

Jooheon feels like it should be romantic. Feels like they should have been taking their time getting to this point, but it didn’t really happen like that. All of Jooheon’s expectations, when it came to relationships, had been entirely shattered by Minhyuk and how little of a damn he gave about conventions. Minhyuk is - full of want, bursting with it, all sorts of wants, and Jooheon found himself all too willing to crack open his own chest to accommodate as much of this want as he could. 

So while their relationships kept on growing, it did so faster than Jooheon expected. Not that he’d complain, especially in a moment like this particular one, with Minhyuk licking down his neck and his own sweatpants down around his thighs, hands pushing Minhyuk’s skinny jeans down.

He’s just licking a stripe up his own palm to wrap it around Minhyuk when the door swings open, followed by a sharp intake of breath and the sound of - a spoon clattering to the floor? 

“Oh, for the l- you could _at least_ turn off the lights!”

Kihyun. Now Jooheon can really smell the garlic in the air, and he both wants to laugh and cry at the same time. Minhyuk is shaking, his face hidden in a pillow, and Jooheon realizes that he, definitely, is losing it, laughing his head off as quietly as he can. 

“Um, hyung, would you mind -” Jooheon says, his voice creaking on the words, and Kihyun sighs, dramatically, as a door in the dorm jerks open loudly, Hyunwoo’s voice drifting down the corridor. 

Jooheon’s attempting to pull up his sweats, but Kihyun just makes another noise. “You have five minutes,” he says a little darkly - and, somehow, also a little fondly? Before he’s closing the door again, the spoon scraping on the floor where the handle got stuck.

Fifteen minutes later, there’s a team meeting to discuss, and to make sure everyone is comfortable, because Jooheon doesn’t want to hide his relationship and he wants the band to be strong. But - there’s no drama, they keep that to their performances and their music. 

And so, things continue to be pretty much the same.

;;

Jooheon can’t remember when sleep started being more difficult, for him. He just remembers feeling completely caged in as a trainee, but sleeping well, and then, at some point after their debut, spreading his wings but starting to struggle with sleep. 

And now, he remembers even less when it started. Now, even in the middle of promotions, Jooheon sleeps pretty well. He doesn’t sleep a _lot_ , but that’s okay, because when he does, it’s curled up around Minhyuk. And even when he can’t quite sleep, there’s - everything else. 

Jooheon always thought kisses should be - this intense incredible crazy experience, where galaxies burst into life and your heart explodes. He always thought they were serious things, to not take lightly.

But it’s not like that, kissing Minhyuk. It’s not like in the movies where the music swells and birds take flight. It’s not like that because it’s a lot more, in a multitude of smaller ways. It was funny, at first, when they tried to find their footing with each other, and noses bump, teeth click, giggles erupt between them, forcing them to stop. Jooheon was embarrassed then, but he got over it quickly when he realized it wasn’t exactly a deterrent, it was just a learning curve. 

And very often it’s just soft and gentle, when they’re comfortable with it, and with each other. Jooheon likes to think they could go on for hours if they wanted to, but all too often, one of them falls asleep. They kiss in the dead of night, sleepy and loving, and they kiss in the early hours in the morning with minty fresh breath and damp hair.

Sometimes, it turns frantic, too, when they’ve spent too long apart and they can’t take it anymore and Jooheon hasn’t slept a wink in 36 hours. It’s all pent-up energy building up and exploding out of them in kisses that lead to more, wandering hands and disappearing clothes and muffled moans in the night. 

Jooheon wouldn’t say he’s cured. It still hits sometimes, and he lies with his head on Minhyuk’s chest just listening to the steady tick of his head and he writes songs to the beat. Sometimes he’s just too stressed and he doesn’t go to bed at all. But more often than not, all it takes is fingers through his hair and a few kisses, and he’s out.


End file.
